MOLLY:
What does it mean when a Congressman has a “Washington problem with the woman?” What is “that unfortunate thing that he did?”
DOLLOP:
I will give you an example. Representative Don Sherwood (R-PA) works very hard to represent Republican values such as banning abortion and cracking down on illegal immigrants. He makes sacrifices, such as leaving his devoted wife and daughter back in Pennsylvania while he toils in Washington. Part of that toil includes entertaining a very young Peruvian immigrant in his home. He had to do that for FIVE YEARS. And you know how he feels about immigrants.
For several reasons, specifically, cuts on her face, bruises all over her body, and injuries to her mouth, the very young Peruvian woman called 911, from the bathroom. Representative Sherwood was simply trying to give her a massage, he said. However, he did concede to being a little rough and settled, secretly, for $5.5 million on the lawsuit.
Is this good or bad? He is hoping for a lot of forgiveness, beyond his wife and daughter, because he is running for re-election. President Bush has forgiven him and traveled up to have an ice cream cone with him.
After all, “family values” refers to things that are mostly important * outside of Washington * -- things that OTHER PEOPLE should be doing. Like not hitting women. Or Making Your Wife Stand By Her Bad Boy. Also, the Agenda does Not Anywhere say in writing, or in fine print, or in Karl Rove’s notes that “respect for women” is even to be mentioned.
Whatever happens in Washington stays in Washington. The President said so. It is part of his “National Character Counts Week” celebration.
The President plans to forgive ex-President Clinton any day now, for his much more minor “unfortunate thing.”
There are people trying to get Lemony Snicket to write this up as part of his Series of Unfortunate Events but he said real life is too scary.
